“Vandals chastised, flea on foot”

For the third night in a row, the helicopters are circling the night skies. This may be completely normal in a city like New York or Los Angeles, but unusual enough here in Montreal to seem really strange and completely disruptive. Like most every year, the students have been boycotting classes to oppose tuition hikes, and to keep things interesting, they’ve taken to protesting in the downtown streets—at night. There’s some live reporting streaming on the Montreal Gazette website, with lots of blurry night photos and captions that are obviously dashed off from mobile phones, which makes for some pretty amusing stuff sometimes, as evidenced with the latest stream which says: “Let’s stay peaceful says crowd. Vandals chastised, flea on foot”.

These protests are apparently fuelled by the latest offer by the Charest government, which they deem unacceptable. One of their chants is “It’s not an offer, it’s an insult”.

From the live stream:

“Police declared march illegal.”

“Chant: An illegal march, that doesn’t exist.”

“Unclear what has become of masked vandal but police are making presence known ”

But what has become of the flea?

"Riot cops moving in at bleury ste cath"

The riot cops are on the scene, and this is where I tune out. And that’s been the news tonight, from the comfort of my living room.

 

Laughed so hard, I cried.

Image taken from The Gallery of Regrettable Foods

Ok. Admittedly, I’ve been a very bad blogger. First, not posting on any kind of regular basis. Then, writing mood pieces and talking about exciting upcoming events, and then failing to post updates: Unforgivable. Yaddy yaddy yadda. Not here to post an update right now either. That can wait a little, but I simply cannot hold back this latest gem for a moment longer; there’s a book called The Gallery of Regrettable Foods which has been slowly making the rounds among LibraryThing members who have been saying how very funny it is. For instance, my LT friend Nathalie who currently lives in Italy recently had this to say about it: “If you need a good laugh, I’d recommend [The Gallery of Regrettable Foods]. It’s basically excerpts from American cookbooks from the 1920s to 1970s with comments added by the author. I never knew that you can throw everything that’s not Jell-O into Jell-O. Hilarious!”

One of my favourite parts of looking at old magazines is seeing retro ads, which are often very funny, but the food ads in particular have always been a personal favourite in the “things you wouldn’t believe anyone ever thought was a good idea” category. So this book sounds just awesome to me, but unfortunately, it isn’t available at the library and I’m on a book-buying ban right now. Good thing my friend Nathalie thoughtfully provided the link to the Gallery of Regrettable Foods site, which I strongly urge you to visit right now. I hadn’t laughed like that in a long time. I mean, laugh out loud, real belly laughs; laugh until you’re hoarse kind of laughter. The titles alone had me in hysterics before I’d even clicked on the links—a sampling of my favourites:

“Meat! Meat! Meat! Also, Meat!”

“Bran-plus for Minus People. Urgh”

“10 PM Cookery – you nite-owl, you”

“The Unbearable Sadness of Vegetables”

“Cross-dressing Veggies”

and the truly outrageous “Meat Fisting At Home” still have me in hysterics as I type this.

1950s Trans World Airlines Advertisement

A Morning Dip at Seaside

I’m listening to an excellent audio version of Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) a classic from 1889. It’s the humorous account of three friends taking a boating trip down the Thames. The following excerpt, which I’ve taken from chapter 3, struck me as quite funny:

“I notice that people always make gigantic arrangements for bathing when they are going anywhere near the water, but that they don’t bathe much when they are there. It is the same when you go to the sea-side. I always determine—when thinking over the matter in London—that I’ll get up early every morning, and go and have a dip before breakfast, and I religiously pack up a pair of drawers and a bath towel. I always get red bathing drawers. I rather fancy myself in red drawers. They suit my complexion so. But when I get to the sea I don’t feel somehow that I want that early morning bathe nearly so much as I did when I was in town.

On the contrary, I feel more that I want to stop in bed till the last moment, and then come down and have my breakfast. Once or twice virtue has triumphed, and I have got out at six and half-dressed myself, and have taken my drawers and towel, and stumbled dismally off. But I haven’t enjoyed it. They seem to keep a specially cutting east wind, waiting for me, when I go to bathe in the early morning; and they pick out all the three-cornered stones, and put them on the top, and they sharpen up the rocks and cover the points over with a bit of sand so that I can’t see them, and they take the sea and put it two miles out, so that I have to huddle myself up in my arms and hop, shivering, through six inches of water. And when I do get to the sea, it is rough and quite insulting.

One huge wave catches me up and chucks me in a sitting posture, as hard as ever it can, down on to a rock which has been put there for me. And, before I’ve said “Oh! Ugh!” and found out what has gone, the wave comes back and carries me out to mid-ocean. I begin to strike out frantically for the shore, and wonder if I shall ever see home and friends again, and wish I’d been kinder to my little sister when a boy (when I was a boy, I mean). Just when I have given up all hope, a wave retires and leaves me sprawling like a star-fish on the sand, and I get up and look back and find that I’ve been swimming for my life in two feet of water. I hop back and dress, and crawl home, where I have to pretend I liked it.”

Text from Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) at Project Guttenberg.

Not Your Average Bag Lady

There’s no question that Julianne Moore is a beautiful woman and a great actress. It’s also obvious that this beautiful campaign for Bulgari accessories, published among other places in the pages of Vogue magazine, was inspired by classic paintings of the great masters, and I would venture specifically the famous Grande Odalisque by Ingres. But may I just say that the handbags render these images even more contrived than is the original inspiration? They’re the raison d’être of this campaign of course,
but I guess it goes to show that bag ladies, no matter how gorgeously nude, glamorous and chic, always end up looking… a little bit ridiculous (sorry Julianne.)

Photographed by Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott

Truth in Advertising, Please!

I love this video, but all jokes aside, as an animal lover it also makes me cringe because it points to the fact that people all too often have completely unrealistic expectations of what life with a dog might be like, which is part of the reason why there are so many abandoned creatures to be found in shelters to begin with. If you’re thinking of getting a new pet this holiday season, whatever you do, please make sure you and your family are willing to do all the work required and most importantly, that you have time to devote to another living being. If you find that you don’t, do the responsible thing and buy an electronic gadget instead (hours of fun, zero work or commitment). But if you’re truly set on making it work, please adopt from a shelter; with so many animals left behind, you’re bound to find one that’ll steal your heart and perfectly fit your tastes and lifestyle.

Pass this on and help save lives!

 

Cute animal story of the day

Every day in my inbox, I find The Animal Rescue Site’s daily reminder to help with various causes with just one click. It’s my two-minute moment of the day when I feel I’m making a (literally) small gesture to help the planet be a better place. My favourite part of that daily email is the rescue story of the day sent in by people who’ve adopted various pets, which are always featured along with a picture. I just had to share today’s edition:

Sweater Boy

With the first snow upon us tonight, it was high time I started looking around for some cold weather apparel for Coco. I grabbed a few things at the store and decided to try them on at home so we’d both be relaxed in the process. I was fumbling a little, but Coco obviously has plenty of experience when it comes to playing dress-up and he took it pretty well. So well in fact that I’m kicking myself now for not having gotten him a Halloween costume so we can go trick-or-treating tomorrow. I’m sure he’d steal the show too. But then, I’m not that keen on Halloween and I’ve decided Coco isn’t either, especially when it’s cold and wet as it usually is in these parts on October 31st, which really makes me think we Canadians should have our own Halloween date maybe a month earlier so that kids don’t have to walk around either freezing their butts off or wearing coats over their carefully chosen costumes (been there and it’s a major drag).

Here are our sweater options:

Navy turtleneck knit

Red turtleneck knit (2 for 1 with the navy). Nice but maybe a bit too long?

Black fleece hoodie (lined with extra layer of fleece for added warmth)

Blue camo hoodie (big & baggy to go with his tough guy image)

Brown hoodie with peace sign

Is Gay Marriage the Way to Go?

The Wedding Couple, after Abbot Handerson Thayer and Richard E. Miller

According the New York Times, Judge Vaughn R. Walker—a California federal district judge—lifted a stay on his decision on same-sex marriage today, though he delayed implementation of the order until Aug. 18. I’m betting August 18th 2010 will be featured in the Guinness World Records as the day with the highest number of gay weddings of all time. [Edit: as it turns out, that prediction was not to come to pass after all...]

Those closest to me know that my deepest darkest secret most cherished dream has always been to get married to the love of my life someday. As a matter of fact, there was a time when I kept Penthouse and Playboy magazines on the coffee table as a testament to my open-mindedness and liberal stance, but hid Martha Stewart Weddings under the bed for fear anyone find out how traditional I actually am. In light of this, I’m thinking maybe I should rethink my whole outlook on romance. I’ve long ago established that I want to marry a man, but then again, my odds would probably be better if I chose to give the gals a chance too. How knows? If the gods of love decide to smile upon me and I get my timing right… I too could be wedded on August 18th! And wouldn’t you know it, I’ve already got my wedding dress picked out (see below)!

Painting: The Wedding Couple, after Abbot Handerson Thayer and Richard E. Miller by Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com