Tag Archives: consumerism

Pirate Marketing: A Definition by Smiler

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The following as submitted, accepted and soon to appear here on urbandictionary.com


Word:
Pirate Marketing


What’s the definition?
A term describing the so-called “marketing strategy” of spammers who “advertise” or plug their products and services by using people’s email addresses to send out bulk mail messages to all the contacts they’ve hijacked, pretending the email was written by the person who’s identity they have hacked into. This is done to suggest a person has tried and tested the product and to spread bogus word of mouth virally. This is entirely fraudulent and can potentially hurt a person’s reputation, but thankfully this method is used by individuals and groups who are just as stupid as the people they are trying to scam (i.e. catering to the lowest common denominator). For this reason, the spam message itself is usually as easy to detect as the cheap knockoffs (or stolen goods) they are trying to unload on unsuspecting victims. According to Wikipedia, spam averages 78% of all e-mail sent.


Example:
Here is a prime example of pirate marketing allegedly sent from a friend:
beginning of spam message, i.e. pirate marketing/
From: V. (name and email address of my friend) Subject: Re: Date: April 18, 2010 12:41:30 AM EDT
hey,
how are you ?
Just received my iphone 3gs 32gb from this website. www (dot) acmespammers (dot) much cheaper than others and genuine . if you would like to get one,you can check it out.
cheers
V. (name of my friend)
________________________________
Messenging on your phone = MI on the road. Try it now!
/end of spam message, i.e. pirate marketing.


Tags
List at least five synonyms, antonyms, related words and misspellings, separated by commas. (limit of 20)
spam, junk email, bulk e-mail, third-class mail, unsolicited, word of mouth, viral marketing, hacking, pirating, hijacking, privacy violation, identity theft, counterfeit, bogus, brummagem, deceptive, ersatz, fishy, fraudulent, misleading


Who are you?
Your pseudonym: Smiler
Your email: notmyname@acme.ca

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We hate spam, so we’ll never spam you. See our privacy policy.

The Story Of Bottled Water

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I posted the video “The Story Of Stuff” a couple of years ago, and The Story of Bottled Water, made by the same team was a timely reminder to me to get my a** in gear and buy a reusable bottle already. Up until recently I was still using plastic bottles albeit very occasionally and reusing them for months, which still makes for too much waste for my liking besides the fact that they make water just taste nasty. My excuse for putting off the eco-friendly purchase was I didn’t know what kind of bottle was the smartest to get because there are so many out there and all kinds of controversy about leaching chemicals and whatnot. Since I’m an eBay user, I looked up what was available there and after some online research to read up on reviews, opted to buy Klean Kanteen bottles which besides having plenty of positive reviews, seem like a good option because they use non-toxic 18/8 food-grade stainless steel and BPA-free polypropylene for the caps, are easy to clean with the large mouth and rounded design, and because they don’t use any plastic liners, they apparently leave the water clean-tasting over long periods of time. The fact that they have lots of  cute colours and a clean, no-fuss design also appealed to me. I got a couple to ensure I always have a clean filled bottle ready to go. Klean Kanteen is not the cheapest option, but I figure I’ll be making so much use of them over time that it’s well worth the investment.

Please note I have no affiliation with Klean Kanteen and in no way receive monetary or other compensation for mentioning their product.

What Me? A Favourite?

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I guess I should just shut up and be grateful, but it really disturbs me that the good folks at J CREW have taken to sending me gifts on birthdays and holidays as a ‘favorite’ customer. Sure, I’m friendly enough with the customer service agents, but something tells me I made that list for other reasons than my well-honed phone skills. Could this have something to do with my large cashmere collection and the even larger consolidation loan I had to take out recently? Perhaps. Very likely. Since I’m already in their favours and love their merchandise so much, perhaps I should go ahead and apply for a job at their NYC headquarters. As soon as I’m able to stay awake long enough to work again, that is. That way I could start my life over in the Big Apple, enjoy employee discounts, and even possibly pay off that loan a little bit faster…

p.s. My New Year gift is a beautiful 2010 agenda featuring maps of the world’s major cities. Outside cover is Bright Deep Salmon, funky print on inside covers, pages edged in silver, discrete silver J CREW logo on back cover.  I store all my info electronically so have no use for it. I should list it on Smiler’s Bazaar. Anyone interested? It’s yours for the price of postage + a small handling fee (at this point, every little bit counts).

A New Flavour?

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A New Flavour

A New Flavour

Posted by popular demand: A new flavour of Häagen-Dazs ice cream? Sort of. But this one helps you actually fight your cravings. Presumably. I guess putting the plastic on ice is more or less working, because I haven’t made any major purchases on my card so far. Only trouble is some of my most frequented vendors like J Crew and iTunes already have my card on file so I did give in and buy some music and a few movies this weekend. It’s only been a week and I’m feeling withdrawal symptoms so hopefully a few small purchases like that will keep me satiated for a while. If I can get to the end of the month without serious expenditures (i.e. nothing over $100), I’ll be proud of myself. If I actually manage to pay off the balance before defrosting it that’ll practically be a miracle—Lord knows I can’t rely on self-discipline much these days—apparently miracles do happen though, so we’ll have to wait and see…

Pics by Smiler using a Canon Rebel XTi

Deep Freeze

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We have been experiencing a dip in temperatures these past couple of weeks, but it would be an exaggeration to say that it’s freezing. Some crazy kids are still walking around in shorts and flip-flops but most folks with any good sense at all have got their sweaters and light jackets on. And while I’m thrilled to take my cashmere sweaters out of storage for these cool autumn days, hopefully the actual siberian weather won’t show up anytime soon.

The deep freeze I’m talking about today is something else altogether. Some financial advisors suggest to put your credit cards in the freezer while you’re making payments to clear off your debt if, like me, you’re having trouble keeping your spending in check. Being the perfect candidate, I took the suggestion quite literally and submerged my credit card in water in a re-used Häagen-Dazs container, then popped the whole thing in the freezer. Now my Visa card is trapped in a giant chunk of ice which should (but is not guaranteed to) help me cool it a bit with the spending.

Speaking of ice, I’ve also decided that I’ll be returning the diamond ring I had offered myself for my 40th birthday. I love the ring but it makes me nervous walking around with all that money on my finger—money which could come in handy in case of an emergency. Then when I realized Birks literally charges double what most other vendor do (other than Tiffany’s and the like), I figured I may as well start saving and get my own ring designed a few years from now. No big rush—I doubt they’ll be running out of diamonds in this decade. I should be this reasonable more often. But then, that would make me a whole different person.

Pic by anniebee, Flickr

I’m Good For It Now

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I had a fun meeting with my banker today. Incongruous, I know. I was pretty anxious about seeing him since we’d booked the date. The agenda was to look over my meager investments to make sure I was getting optimal returns. I thought that was an excuse for him to give me a lecture about all the spending I’ve been doing on my credit margin while still being out of the job market. Well I needn’t have worried at all. He’s been my banker for some 15 years, but I knew him 20 years ago in an altogether different capacity, when we were both working at a cool little gay bar, him a waiter and me as a barmaid. He was gay and proud then—as he still is now—and was going through my LUG faze (figure it out for yourself). Apparently the first time he saw me I was wearing a turtleneck catsuit and doing my thing on the dancefloor. When he said that to me I was stunned that he’d remember that, especially since I had completely forgotten about that. The very idea that I once had the guts to wear a catsuit is hard to fathom, but then again, I WAS just only 21 and fearless back then.

We spent the better part of our meeting talking about things like our mutual love of perfume; comparing our favourite scents from Jo Malone’s line, and all about his latest restylane and bottox treatments. Incidentally we looked over my investments and he offered to put in a request for a credit card for me, which I was almost certain would be refused as it has been for the past 4 years now. There was no talk about taking away my credit margin or having to reduce my spending. We were having so much fun just chatting that at one point I realized we’d been at it for well over an hour. When I asked him how come he had so much time to devote to me in his busy schedule he said “I always make sure not to book anyone after you”. Talk about VIP treatment. He hadn’t seen me in almost 2 years and had expected to see an obese version of me dressed in rags with greasy hair plastering my face—something he’s seen with other customers of his who are mostly actors and the normally attractive type. By comparison apparently I looked amazing. For some reason, compliments coming from a gay man have always meant more to me, so I have to admit it felt good. Every time I see him I think about how lucky I am to have him in my life. He’s gotten me out of some pretty big pickles over the years asking nothing in return (except a promise to pay off my loans).

At one point in the middle of some light chit-chat, C looked over at his screen, then looked at me with a dramatic expression on his face and said “Oh. My. God. You. Won’t Believe It!” What? He jumped out of his chair and started doing a victory dance involving lots of hopping up and down, screaming “YOU’VE BEEN APPROVED FOR A CREDIT CARD!!! You’re finally in the clear!!! You’re a real person again!!!” I hopped and danced along with him. Finally I’m a pariah no more. I guess you had to be there, but the joy was palpable. It’s the best feeling knowing that old friends still continue caring about me even when I’ve given so little signs of life. For that I’m truly grateful.

Jo Set the Tone

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I must admit I had a pretty good day today. It’s the first Friday in over a month that I was able to get out of bed and DO the stuff I had planned to do. Like yoga first thing in the morning with J. And showing up at the day hospital for a session on Goal Setting, followed by a group on Relationships with the half-day ending with a Relaxation session. I was so proud of myself that I did a brief victory dance when I showed up there this morning. In fact, I caught myself acting like I was in such a good mood today that I got worried. I grabbed the med student who is responsible for my file and told her she MUST make a note that if I seem to be doing very well all of the sudden, they should by no means take it to mean that I’m ready to be discharged since I’m much more confused than I seem to ever let on. Of course nobody believes me when I say that but surprisingly she said the staff had already discussed my case saying I present well but still have a lot of work to do.

But back to the having a good day part. I did in fact have a good day. My day today actually started yesterday afternoon. My lovely friend K and I had’t seen each other in months and we agreed to get together yesterday. We had rainy, yucky weather and I hadn’t the least notion of what we should do together. When I called her when my classes were done she said she had ducked into Holt Renfrew’s to avoid the rain. I was all too happy to meet her there—there’s nothing not to like about that store, except maybe for the price tags and the occasional saleswoman or customer walking around with a stick up her you-know-what. K and I are very similar when it comes to our great love of things that pleasure the senses. We started talking about fragrances—the kind of topic two girls in an upscale department store might spend hours discussing back and forth and which makes guys want to check into the nearest strip bar and have lots and lots of beer. At Holt’s, the husbands wait for their shopping wives down at the chic little café where they read the newspaper. Or pretend to as they’re ogling whatever young thing happens to be passing by. This we discovered at the end of our shopping experience, when we sat there to have a delicious, overpriced, and thouroughly enjoyable meal.

But first there was Jo. I knew she was the creator of a line of exquisite fragrances which had her fans speak about her products as though they provided a deeply spiritual experience. And so it was entirely natural that K and I should drift over to the Jo Malone counter and spend the next two hours trying out each and every fragrance. The saleswoman explained the mode d’emploi for this particular line. The idea is very simple and very clever. You can buy one scent, wear it on it’s own and be utterly transported. But you can also make your own combination by layering one fragrance over the other to create a unique signature scent. Which means of course more pots of creams and lotions and spray bottles. Talk about decadence. I left the counter with several samples which I was of course encouraged to take my time mixing and matching and generally having fun with. I kept sniffing various parts of my arms and hands which had each been anointed with different combinations. And then again, as I was ready to leave this morning, I went through a little ritual with the creams and sprays on forearms, wrists, backs of hands; Grapefruit, Lime Basil and Mandarin, Fig, French Lime Blossom made my head spin all over again, and there are so many others! To think of all the possibilities…

If scent alone can alter one’s mood (which I firmly believe is true), then you can count me in as a Jo Malone convert. Besides, it’s getting around to that time of year when I’ll just have to spoil myself (for a change!). Originally I was going to buy myself a diamond ring for my 40th birthday. That was when I had a thriving career and a whole bunch of expendable income. By comparison even say 2… 3… even 4 (!) Jo Malone bottles and jars filled with captivating elixirs—should be a more affordable kind of luxury—indeed, I would go as far as saying that it would be a very smart investment in my mental and spiritual well-being.

Tomorrow: pics from the last days of the Imagine exhibit Montreal MFA

Miscellanea

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Ok. So it’s already quite late, and I want to be up really early tomorrow, like 9 a.m. or so and I still have to get this blog post written, get ready for bed, and read a couple of chapters of Catch-22. So I must keep it brief. As it happens, I don’t have much to report, so I thought I’d just toss out a few a few random musings and observations.

1. As it turns out, Catch-22 is turning out to be a much more entertaining read than I was fearing it would be, for a book set in the war and describing life in the army. Which is cool because it’s an old edition and the fonts are so small I practically have to take out a loupe on top of my reading glasses to make out the text. At least all that work is turning out to be worthwhile. So far.

2. I ran into mix ex-assistant from my ex-job today and for once, I actually almost had my act together, appearance-wise I mean. I was recently showered and smelled okay and my hair was in a not-horrible state and I was wearing some new duds along with my beautiful leather jacket I bought a few years back which had been too small for me for the past couple years (up until now), so I looked very okay, I think. It didn’t change the fact that I didn’t have much news to report, but at least I didn’t feel like a total loser. Well, maybe like someone who’s taken a seriuos blow but who’s slowly getting herself back together again. Which is better than feeling like a total loser by a longshot.

3. No matter how I plan my day, I always end up getting to the post office at the last possible minute before closing, and sometimes (like today) up to half an hour after closing. For some reason it’s imprinted in my brain that closing time is a 7:30 p.m. when it’s actually at 7:00. It’s inside a pharmacy which closes at 9:00, so maybe it’s too much information for me to try to retain two closing times instead of one what with my drug-addled brain. It wouldn’t be such a big deal usually, except today I was transporting a giant, unwieldly (yet surprisingly light) box* and didn’t want to have to bring it back home only to have to bring it back again tomorrow. Then the nice young cashier lady took it upon herself to offer me to leave it behind the counter ’till tomorrow. Besides the fact that it was very nice of her and a big relief, I’m also glad that in our post 9/11 reality, she didn’t immediately assume I was a terrorist with an evil plan to blow up the pharmacy.

* Asa if you’re reading this: that box is soon on it’s way to YOU. And no worries, there are no dangerous goods there—just your bucket… which I hope you’ll be able to pick up this time!

4. Today I got really, really, REALLY, REALLY excited about… can you guess what it is? Facial tissue boxes. Even though it was one of my good days today the ONE thing that really made the day were those tissue boxes. No kidding. I use a lot of tissues because my nose is constantly running what with mild allergies to my two cats so there are tissue boxes in every room of my apartment, but the thing is, they’re always just horrendous looking. Not just bland. Not just boring. Not just sooo pastel. Not just kinda ugly. I mean… prints that look like reproductions of puke swirl patterns ugly. But today there were newly designed Kleenex boxes on sale (made with recycled fiber too! No doubt a smart response to harsh critcism from environmental groups) and they were actually visually attractive! As in… prints I might be inclined to put up on my walls! I won’t mention the fact that they feel like sandpaper after a few uses (hopefully improvements are underway). But hey! Kleenex boxes designed for the discerning environmentally friendly design connoisseur! No detail too small I tell ‘ya*…

*Well actually, an even cooler alternative would be to switch to handkerchiefs. I found an awesome site for handmade kerchiefs, but they only ship in the U.S.! (If somebody can help me out with that, let me know!)

5. On a much more serious note, there was a documentary on HBO tonight from 2007 called Ganja Queen about Schapelle Corby, the young Australian woman who was caught at a Balinese airport with some 10 lbs or pot in 2005. I’d heard about her story back then of course since there had been a seriously sick media frenzy. Weed is a very light substance, so 10 lbs is a MASSIVE amount. In Bali, the maximum sentence for drug possession is death by firing squad. Though Schapelle and her lawyers mercifully managed to evade the death penalty, she was condemned to 20 years in a Balinese prison with no chance for parole. I tend to believe that she’s not guilty and that the drugs were planted* as she stated in her defense, but regardless of that fact, it just breaks my heart to see this young woman (now 31) who was only 27 when she was sentenced to 20 years. By the time she gets out she’ll be 47 which is still relatively young of course, but that’s two decades when a lot of women evolve in their careers, date, find husbands, maybe have a few kids, and all that has been stolen for her. For a crime for which there are no victims, and a drug that is relatively harmless. For shame.

* Still, her plausible version of the facts made me take the firm resolution that from now on, I am NEVER traveling overseas without ensuring my luggage is locked and secure first. Scary.

Well, wouldn’t you know it, it’s taken me up till now, at 3:58 a.m. to put this “simple” blog post together. This is why I post so many quotes and video—so I can get some sleep!

Photo from: ill Seen, ill Said (a gorgeous blog by the way).
This photo does not depict the product mentioned but it’s a great shot!