Tag Archives: health

The Story Of Bottled Water

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I posted the video “The Story Of Stuff” a couple of years ago, and The Story of Bottled Water, made by the same team was a timely reminder to me to get my a** in gear and buy a reusable bottle already. Up until recently I was still using plastic bottles albeit very occasionally and reusing them for months, which still makes for too much waste for my liking besides the fact that they make water just taste nasty. My excuse for putting off the eco-friendly purchase was I didn’t know what kind of bottle was the smartest to get because there are so many out there and all kinds of controversy about leaching chemicals and whatnot. Since I’m an eBay user, I looked up what was available there and after some online research to read up on reviews, opted to buy Klean Kanteen bottles which besides having plenty of positive reviews, seem like a good option because they use non-toxic 18/8 food-grade stainless steel and BPA-free polypropylene for the caps, are easy to clean with the large mouth and rounded design, and because they don’t use any plastic liners, they apparently leave the water clean-tasting over long periods of time. The fact that they have lots of  cute colours and a clean, no-fuss design also appealed to me. I got a couple to ensure I always have a clean filled bottle ready to go. Klean Kanteen is not the cheapest option, but I figure I’ll be making so much use of them over time that it’s well worth the investment.

Please note I have no affiliation with Klean Kanteen and in no way receive monetary or other compensation for mentioning their product.

Not That Kind Of Bi.

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Girl with Pink Scarf

At some point in the past couple of days, Mimi decided she wanted to join Facebook and start making new friends. Who was I to stop her? As it is the poor thing only gets to hang out with Fritz and I and whatever guests happen to drop by my place every once in a while. Since I won’t let her go outside (for her own safety and my peace of mind), I figured Facebook was the next best option as a virtual playground. I’m not sure what she’s up to exactly, but all I do know is she’s been hogging the computer and that after only a couple of days she already has more friends that I do, among which (to name names) Christopher Hitchens. How she managed that, I guess I’ll never know for sure.

Mimi and I started a Facebook group called Not That Kind Of Bi. Essentially I’d like it to become a forum for people to exchange about mental health in general and bipolar disorder in particular in an open, relaxed setting. I want to do something about helping to lift the taboo because it concerns everyone in the end and Facebook is just the right kind of forum to do it in. If you’re not on Facebook yet, Not That Kind Of Bi. is yet another good reason to sign up.

Illustration by Smiler 2001(?)

Count Me in With the Poodle

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During our goal-setting session on Friday, one of the things I determined was that this weekend I wanted to be up by 12 noon at the latest. I did pretty well today, in large part due to my dad who decided to call me just a minute or two after my alarm clock rang and just before I’d had time to fall back into a deep sleep again. I had to really fight the urge to fall back asleep when I was up but by around 3 o’clock, I couldn’t stand it anymore and had to go lie down for a “short” nap, which turned out to be 5 hours long.

This is nothing new. *The sleep thing* is something I’ve been dealing with for the better part of my life. But now that I’m in treatment and that we’re running tests to evaluate my overall health, I’ve decided to make the sleep thing my priority. I had a talk yesterday with the head shrink—a very nice man who is open to discussion and encourages patients to think for themselves and contribute to both diagnosing and resolving problems—very rare qualities for a shrink. I told him about my bout of Mono when I was 3 and how the fatigue I can experience most days feels very similar to what I experienced back then. I had mentioned this to other doctors over the years but so far they had all dismissed the idea before I’d even gotten all the words out of my mouth. This time, Doctor F was willing to consider my theory that since I had Mono so young, maybe some neurological pathways or chemical reactions in my brain were affected by the illness and left me with permanent chronic fatigue symptoms associated with the “kissing disease”.

I’ve started doing a little bit of research online. At first I wanted to find out whether there is such a thing as “sleep addiction”. It seems not. What very little information I was able to glean was from message boards and forums such as the one I found on sleepnet.com where back in May 2000 “blue” had this response about whether it was possible to have a sleep addiction: “Certainly people may seek escape in sleep, but would a normal (even addiction-prone) person actually be able to BE asleep as often as all that?”. The answer of course is no, as anyone who has ever tried to fall asleep on cue can attest. Why it is I hadn’t done any research on this issue before, I really can’t say, but my guess is I was probably just too tired. Just a cursory look at Sleep Disorders on Wikipedia gives me hope that maybe there is a diagnosis for my condition: Narcolepsy doesn’t sound like such a stretch from what I’ve gathered so far. In and of itself, a diagnosis is pretty useless, but for me it might mean 3 things: 1) there just might be a way to “treat” my problem (though I get the feeling probably not) 2) I’ll finally have scientific proof that I don’t sleep so much purely as a form of escapism. And most importantly: 3) I’ll be able to put to rest my concern that I’m just a lazy, good for nothing motherfucker (no offense mom).

This Was My Day

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Day Program Izzy & Mimi_0357

The best part of the day: my girl waiting by the door when I got home.
Even Fritz deigned to make an appearance.

Tired doesn’t really cover it. They way I’m feeling right now is more like jet lagged. The main difference being that when I’m just plain tired, I’m in a bad mood and cranky, can’t really think straight, & don’t want to even consider doing anything that can’t be put off to another day. Whereas with jet lag, I’m beyond exhausted, yes, but my mood is better and I also feel switched on, wanting to do a bunch of things that could be done the next day (like visiting the Louvre when arriving in Paris or writing this blog post when it’s way past my new bed time!)

Day Program Library_0299

The building where I go for my day program is housed in what
used to be a Victorian mansion. Most of it was gutted and looks
like any dreary old hospital, but this old library tucked away
in a corner. It no longer houses books and is used as an office
but at least they’re not removing any of the original cabinetry.

The morning was mostly spent filling a questionnaire and chatting with a fellow cat lover, but the other participants were either helping out in the kitchen to prepare our lunch (BBQ burgers and hot dogs with salads) or in the workshop doing various arts and crafts projects (those are the Wednesday morning activities). There was Rob and Robert heading the workshop and Rob spoke to me at length and with great enthusiasm about wood burning as a fun project to do so I was much relieved to find out they also have pottery (including an oven and glazes), tile work, sewing, and many craft projects. Basically each person chooses what they want to work on (can be drawing & painting too) and can ask for guidance if needed. When I sampled the lunch, I was strongly reminded of how important it is to choose the best quality of products. Something I’ve always taken for granted at home.

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Day Program Irises 2_0308

Today was a gray and rainy day. Walking over to my afternoon therapy session over in Westmount,
a long row of purple irises caught my eye. Couldn’t decide between the impressionist or figurative version, so here they are both.

After School, the afternoon was filled with all kinds of mostly pleasant activities. Stopped over at my favourite café on Victoria street after therapy and read an Anna Gavalda short story (she’s a real pleasure to read), then headed home where I prepared a few packages to ship, then dropped them off at the post office. Then on my way home, decided to visit the local tanning salon* to work on getting a little base (just enough so I’ll have “normal” skin colour as opposed to a blue/green/purple tinge from extreme lack of sun).

Day Program Jackie Bronzage_0333
Meet Jackie.

Jackie has been working in this neighborhood tanning salon for 15 years. I’ve been a sporadic customer over the past 10 years and she has ALWAYS had the same look: the platinum white hair with the fringe (with or without roots showing), the dark dark dark orange tan, the neon orange lipstick, the long long neon red nails, a designer outfit (or something equally stylish) purchased at the Salvation Army. Really interesting lady. We chatted for close to 2 hours & I finally had to end it at the stairwell where I had my coat on and umbrella at the ready as was almost passing out from hunger. Now that I’ve purchased a package deal so I can go on weekly visits, I don’t know how I’ll ever manage to have just a “quick” tanning session…

Day Program Mimi 2_0343
Day Program Mimi Meow_0341

My little princess does her thing
& steals my heart yet again

When I got home, Mimi started meowing her heart out as she was waiting for me to open the 2nd door. Meowing her heart out more than ever before, that is. We’ve never been apart for this long since I adopted her. I managed to grab my iPhone to capture her enthusiasm for you all to see.

Now I’m off to bed. After I take care of a couple more little things. But I’ll be sleeping soon (I hope).

*Fully aware of the health risks.

On Self-Esteem

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Somehow I’m mustering up the energy to put this post together but I’m completely exhausted right now and want nothing more than my bed, pillow and teddy bear. Up since 7:30 a.m. Just walking up the hill to make it to the bus on time and then walking up another hill to get to the hospital was quite a workout this morning. I mostly sat with a med student and regaled her with my own little collection of horror stories as part of the admission process. Then I sat in with the group for a class on self-esteem. I said my self-esteem seems to be tied in with my weight, i.e. the lighter I am the more I like myself and vice-versa and apologized because I know it sounds so shallow and I should be beyond that by now. But then I got a chance to think about in from a different angle and had the opportunity to say that one of the reasons I feel happier and have more self-esteem when I’m lighter is that—aside from the fact that I like what I see in the mirror—a lot of the things I do to get myself there are conducive to a healthy body and a healthy mind, like eating really well and doing exercise and yoga every day and drinking my water and so on.

Read outside during lunch. Decided I can’t stand John Banville’s The Sea anymore even if it was a booker prize, so gave up on it at page 103 (out of 195). That’s more than halfway already but the first half was tedious enough for me, thanks.

Stopped by The Word and picked up a new stack of books which is now sitting on the floor for lack of a better place to put them.

And generally speaking just did this that and the other. Like buy Hanky Panky (expensive) underwear at Holt’s as a special treat. Nothing special really. Tomorrow have to do it all over again. Minus the shopping because as we know that can quickly get out of control.

Illustration: Varga Girl by Alberto Vargas

Countdown

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Quad Mimi_0284
Mimi is also apprehensive about the change ahead. As for Fritz, he couldn’t care less

In just 36 hours I’ll be starting the program at the day hospital. A few weeks ago, it was easy to concentrate on the fact that it will be a good thing for me and should help get my life in order, but as the moment fast approaches when I’ll have to leave my kitties all alone and make my way to the Allan Memorial day hospital still half asleep after having gotten up at the crack of dawn there’s this feeling of impeding doom which seems to grow with every hour. My mother put it very aptly in an email to me: “it must feel a bit as if you were the barnacle being pried from its secure foundations on the rock”. I try not to think ahead too much although sooner or later, I’ll have to plan ahead enough to at least decide when I should be up and which bus I need to take and what I’ll bring for lunch. O Dread dread dread dread dread.

There’s another countdown—this one much more arbitrary—toward post # 1,000 on this blog. I’m now at 955 with this post included, so only 45 more to go. I don’t expect that’ll change anything.

I wonder if they’ll let me bring my laptop at the Allan so I can blog directly from the trenches, so to speak? Just a rhetorical question. I don’t want any of the other patients to get anywhere near my beloved laptop. I don’t play well with others and definitely don’t like sharing my toys.

Pic by Smiler
Taken with iPhone with QuadCamera application

Thirteen Wishes I Wish Would Come True [#32]

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My participation to Thursday Thirteen has been sporadic at best, but I was inspired this time by a comment my father made, when he pointed out that one of my stated wishes had recently come true and that it might be a good idea to try wishing for things more often. I’ve made many wish lists over the years and have rarely looked back to check whether they have all come true. But moving forward, my thinking has always been “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”. So I’ll ask and we’ll just see!

1. My first wish is that I’ll wish for the right things. I always worry that “you always get what you wish for” and sometimes that turns out not to be so great after all. I’d like my wishes to bring me and those I love more happiness, health and prosperity, so I guess I’ll take it from here.

2. My next wish is that I’ll figure out what it is that makes me truly happy and be able to combine plenty of whatever that is in my life from now on.

3. I wish that I could in some way ensure that my parents are well provided for as they grow older.

4. I also wish that my parents will live long lives so we’ll have plenty of time to get together and share special times together.

5. One of the things I keep wishing for in my mind is that I’ll figure out what it is I want to do for a living that will be fulfilling, will allow me to pursue other interests, and will be a very good source of income. I also deeply wish this epiphany will come to me as soon as possible and that I’ll have the courage to act on it. In fact, I wish for courage, period.

6. I wish I could figure out where I most want to live in the world and have the courage to choose that place and finally really feel at home.

7. I wish to live in a place where everywhere you look there are beautiful and inspiring things to see so that when I walk out of the house (which I will want to do often) I can walk in any direction for hours on end and feel uplifted and enchanted as opposed to dispirited.

8. I wish, with every single cell in my body that the feeling of constant mental and physical pressure and tension that has always been with me would lift once and for all. I wish I could stop taking medication for the rest of my life and live in a perpetual state of contentment.

9. I wish I would really believe, wholeheartedly believe that I DO deserve better, and that doing better could actually benefit those I care about, as opposed to taking anything away from them.

10. I wish I could do more to make a difference for the environment and for the well-being of all living creatures on the planet.

11. I wish that the wall I have always put up between other people and me would no longer feel necessary, so that I could be more sociable and not feel so awkward around people all of the time. I also wish I could stop worrying about or anticipating what other people might think about me.

12. I wish that Fritz and I could get along better, it saddens me that he seems so unhappy with me. I wish I knew what I should do to make things better for both him and I.

13. Finally, I wish… I could stop worrying about ending up alone in my old age. I wish I could just trust in life and know, really KNOW that life (or God or the Universe or whatever) truly will provide in a way that is best suited to me.

Of course, there are many more wishes I could, and probably will make. But I think I’ve covered the essentials for now. Sending it all out to the universe… we shall see what happens!

Shell-Shocked

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I’m not sure why I should be the least bit surprised. And the ground’s still under my feet, so there’s no reason to feel so dizzy. And I’m here comfortably ensconced in my home with my loving cats so there is nothing to fear. And even though I feel like I’m in a free-fall, there’s a nice big safety net which already has and will catch my fall again, whenever I need it to. And yet.

I’ve been on extended medical leave for almost two years now, and I figured that they weren’t exactly going to hold their breaths and keep my job for me. But until I got confirmation one way or the other, I could let my imagination roam. Well I spoke to HR today and it’s official: I haven’t had a job for over a year now. It’s almost laughable that it’s such old news yet new to me. Shows just how out of the loop I am. Couldn’t they have notified me? No they couldn’t, not while I’m still on medical leave. Does that mean I’ve been fired? No, it just means that while I was away the world kept on turning. I get that. As it was, I had a hard time imagining going back to a familiar job and working with familiar faces with the old familiar stresses. Right now I don’t even want to think about having to look for a new job. Some part of me keeps telling me this was meant to be. I’m more than just a title, more than just some corporate drone. This is a blessing in disguise and eventually I’ll come to recognize that—one door closes and ten more open, all that good stuff. But today I’m just going to put my feet up and wait for the dizzy spells to go away.

Pic: Rocky Horror Picture Show

Sounds Like a Plan

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My goals for this week starting tomorrow, Saturday are:

1. Follow the NutriSystem meal plan.
2. Place a check next to every food I ate and the water I drank in my daily diary.
Also record the time I ate or drank each item in said diary.
3. Do physical activities 3 times, whether it’s going to the gym, following a DVD
or taking a walk (once it’s safe for my back).
4. Go to sleep by midnight at least 3 days this week*.
5. Buy a lottery ticket.

Small, attainable goals is the key. Short and sweet for now. I’ll explain in detail later although I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Trying to get to sleep before 2 am now*—wish me luck.

*The biggest challenge of all.

Here Comes the Fitness Queen

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Today, after a long therapy session during which doing exercise seemed to be the answer for all that ails me these days, I finally marched over to that cardio gym and got myself properly signed up. Then I went to buy myself a lock so I wouldn’t have any excuse keeping me from going. Most gyms offer a free session with a trainer, and while I’ve tried it in the past, I’ve decided it’s not worth the time since all too often I end up knowing about as much about training as the trainers do. The trainers that I saw while I was there didn’t exactly inspire confidence either. While I don’t expect all trainers to look like Mr. Universe, it’s hard for me to take fitness advice from someone who’s got a potbelly that’s bigger than mine. The manager who was signing me up kept mentioning that I should really give it a try, especially after she saw that my fitness goal was to lose the 20-30 lbs or so that I’ve gained these past 18 months, saying that they might be able to give me a few helpful tips and pointers. I don’t like to show off, but at that point I just leaned in close to her and said “in a former, much leaner lifetime, I was a fitness competitor, so I think I’ll figure my way around”. She looked at me completely differently after that and didn’t mention the trainer thing again.

I think I’ll pack my gym bag tonight and leave it by the door. All I’ve got to do after that is take the bag and walk me and my big belly up the hill, change into a t-shirt and sneakers, plug into my iPod Shuffle, position myself at any available cardio machine and then… just do it. Just 30 minutes, 3 times a week is my goal for starters, then we’ll take it from there. But first of course, I’ve got to make sure I physically get myself there. Lord knows why I resist it so much since I love exercising when I get into it. Fear of change? Maybe. Probably. But my fear of obesity is even greater, so I’ll do whatever I’ve gotta do. Starting tomorrow. Maybe.