I haven’t always been a straightlaced homebody . There was a time when I was in fact full of contempt for people who lived a similar lifestyle to the one which is my current reality. My current reality which is made up of choices that I couldn’t imagine making before, such as avoiding alcohol and recreational drugs, and favoring a night at home to read and write rather than going out with super cool friends to super cool venues. The former me looks at the current me and sneers a little, says “thank God I’m not like that, she just seems so pathetic”. But I don’t care, I’m trying to find my balance and this is the best way I know how. I’m glad I have my stories and my secrets and heapfulls of past naughtiness which I can look at now and again from a distance, like a spectator. I’m not ashamed of any of it — on second through — scratch that, there’s plenty that I am ashamed of, but on the whole I’m glad I did my experimenting when I was younger, I needed to work it all out of my system. I’ll have good stories to tell when I’m old and grey.
All of this came to me because of this article that a friend sent me yesterday. It’s about a woman who offered herself up for an experiment to determine just what the effects of smoking cannabis could be. Of course, various people react differently to different substances, so the results aren’t conclusive, but still interesting. I make no bones about the fact that I was a pothead for many years. When I started toking as a teenager, grass was an inoffensive enough kind of drug — it made you giggly and happy and silly and the effects didn’t last very long. By the time I quit, marijuana had become an entirely different animal. It was so potent that it sometimes felt as though it was mixed with LSD, only there was no giggling, no happy-silliness, none of that for me. It was scary and sometimes I thought I was seriously losing my mind, and yet I couldn’t stop. It took me years to kick the habit and today I’m grateful that I’ve learned to live without being perpetually high.
Whether you ever have inhaled in your life or you haven’t, I definitely recommend you read “Superskunk me: What happened when one woman smoked dope daily for a month for a BBC documentary”.