Bless the Orphans, I’m Rich!

Having several email addresses is turning out to be more and more inconvenient. I keep forgetting to check my various mailboxes and then months fly by sometimes which doesn’t exactly make for speedy communication. This is where I insert an apology to anyone and everyone who’s emailed me at either one of my hotmail accounts and hasn’t heard back from me. Sorry. My bad. But this morning, I still had Zaza’s words about people wanting to get in touch with me ringing in my ears, so thought I should check Fritz’s inbox for a start, to see what I might have missed. Thank goodness I had the brilliant idea to check my junk mail folder because there were two very important messages waiting for me there. One email was from and old and very dear friend I had lost contact with for some years now. Apparently she somehow found this blog and is a reader, and a few weeks ago she finally decided to write Fritz an email saying she’d love to get in touch with me again, which Fritz had the kindness to pass on to me. Which is lovely because I found the message very sweet and very very touching and have every intention of following up on it.

But the really big new of the day is that I’m now (almost) a multimillionaire! I say almost because it’s just a matter of handing out some basic information and then I can cash in and start enjoying the Big Life. More books. More treats for Fritz. Maybe I can get him a diamond studded collar so he can promptly lose it like all the other collars I’ve gotten him before. Or maybe I’ll just replace him altogether and get the collar with the Ashera™ already attached. All the exotic fruit I want, eaten right off the trees in exotic locales. Yay. I can hardly wait. Like I said, there are a few formalities, but I figure if I’ve been chosen out of millions and billions of people, then the odds must be pretty good no? Before you go thinking I’m a complete retard I just want you to know I do know there are scammers out there who’ll use every trick in the book to get to our precious bank accounts. But this one… I just know it’s the real deal, I can feel it. I mean… she’s an orphan for God’s sake, and only twenty one! She couldn’t possibly be a bad guy, right? Right. What am I talking about you’re asking? See for yourself:

From Synthia Anthony
Abidjan Cote d’ Ivoire
Dearest One
Permit me to inform you about my desire to go into business relationship with you.
I am synthia Anthony the only daughter of Mr and Mrs. Michael Anthony, my father was a very rich cocoa merchant, based in Abidjan , the economic capital of Ivory Coast before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings to discuss on a business deal.
When my mother died, my father took me so special since I am motherless. Before the death of my father on 26th May 2004 in a private hospital where he was admitted, he called me secretly to his bed side and told me that he kept a sum of us$10,500,000 (ten million five hundred thousand united states dollars) in a bank in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

That he used my name Synthia Anthony as the next of kin in deposit of the fund he also explained to me that it was because of this money he was poisoned by his business partner and that I should seek for a foreign partner in a country of my choice where I would transfer this money and use it for an investment purpose, such as: real estate investment or stock market investment .I am honourably soliciting your kind assistance as follows.

(1) To provide a bank account where this money will be transferred to.
(2) To serve as the guardian of this fund, since I am a girl of 21 years old.
(3) To make arrangement for me in your country to continue my educational
career and to procure me a residential permit in your country.
I am inclined to offer you 10% of the total sum as a mode of compensation for your efforts after the transferring of this fund to your account in your country. Please, I will be very happy if this transaction will be concluded within seven (7) working days from now. I am expecting hearing from you as soon as possible,
N.B: I will like you to give me your direct telephone and fax number in your reply of this proposal.
May almighty God bless you as you do care for an orphan like me.
Anticipating to hearing from you.
Yours faithful
Synthia Anthony.

Poor thing. And to think her father was poisoned to death for his money and all. So tragic. Someone must help the poor dear, that much is clear. It’s such a small sacrifice on my part… no sacrifice at all actually. O Joy O Joy. My life is finally taking a turn for the better. I should say though, before you all start sending me your wish lists, that we do have to clear up a few formalities first. I don’t actually have the money in hand yet. I will try and see what I can do about negotiating a bigger cut for myself but do keep in mind that while $1,050,000 is a nice little sum, it doesn’t buy quite as much as it used to. But I’ll be sure to let you know when you can all share in some of this great fortune. At the very least, once we’ve signed the deal and the money is transferred, I’ll be sure to send you a commemorative t-shirt. Signed by me and Synthia*. God bless that child—my angel from Côte d’Ivoire.

Be sure to leave your phone number and a shipping address to receive your marvelous gift!

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