Shell-Shocked

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I’m not sure why I should be the least bit surprised. And the ground’s still under my feet, so there’s no reason to feel so dizzy. And I’m here comfortably ensconced in my home with my loving cats so there is nothing to fear. And even though I feel like I’m in a free-fall, there’s a nice big safety net which already has and will catch my fall again, whenever I need it to. And yet.

I’ve been on extended medical leave for almost two years now, and I figured that they weren’t exactly going to hold their breaths and keep my job for me. But until I got confirmation one way or the other, I could let my imagination roam. Well I spoke to HR today and it’s official: I haven’t had a job for over a year now. It’s almost laughable that it’s such old news yet new to me. Shows just how out of the loop I am. Couldn’t they have notified me? No they couldn’t, not while I’m still on medical leave. Does that mean I’ve been fired? No, it just means that while I was away the world kept on turning. I get that. As it was, I had a hard time imagining going back to a familiar job and working with familiar faces with the old familiar stresses. Right now I don’t even want to think about having to look for a new job. Some part of me keeps telling me this was meant to be. I’m more than just a title, more than just some corporate drone. This is a blessing in disguise and eventually I’ll come to recognize that—one door closes and ten more open, all that good stuff. But today I’m just going to put my feet up and wait for the dizzy spells to go away.

Pic: Rocky Horror Picture Show

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