When it happened today, I just suddenly felt… lighter. Or like my head had suddenly cleared and for once was completely free of pain or pressure. I felt… contentment, which in my book these days is even better than happiness, which is all too unreliable. But it was as if I suddenly *knew* that everything would be fine. More than fine. Not a cloud in the sky, not a single worry. All this happened within a second or two, but the feeling was so pleasantly foreign to me that it was as if I’d entered someone else’s mind. Someone who doesn’t have a care in the world. And then the instant I realized this was happening, in a conscious way that is, everything came crashing back down, and the old familiar angst had a strangle hold on me again.
It was… a moment of Grace. I know now what they mean when they say “reaching a state of grace”. Because I’ve been there for a whole two seconds, or more like a second and a half. I’m guessing that when they refer to someone as “being in a state of grace” they mean you have to be able to hang on to it for say… several minutes, or even hours or DAYS at a time even. Hard to fathom. I had never experienced anything like that in my life before, but this was the third time in the past two or three years now that this has happened to me, so I feel blessed to have experienced it, however fleeting the moment has been so far. I swear if I could bottle that up and sell it, I’d be the richest person on the planet. But then, it’s one of those things that you can’t try to grab a hold of because the second you try to own it, it’s gone.
That’s the best I can do to describe those two seconds out of my day today.
Two seconds of eternity.