periodically as is frequently damaged from all the handling by fans.
There is something I left out of the picture in my post yesterday. When I said there was no drama in my present life, I was conveniently airbrushing out an element which is a constant source of drama. I guess I’m getting so used to it being there that I forget it’s there to begin with. The “it” I’m referring to is actually a “he”, as in, a real person, and more specifically, my most recent ex-boyfriend. I may have mentioned him here and there but I don’t blog about him often since one of my concerns is he’ll read something I’ve written about him here and get hurt and then make… a big drama out of it. We’ve been broken up for close to 18 months now (!) so you’d think we’d have both moved on with our lives, right? If only.
Ugh. Just even writing about it now is draining me. Maybe because as I’m writing, I’m getting a series of text messages from him, one after another and another and another. Usually, I get texts from him about every other day or so. Asking me how I’m doing. Telling me how much he misses me. That he’ll love me forever and ever. That we were made for each other. Saying I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. The most sexy woman in the world. The best thing that’s ever happened to him and to mankind (ok, I’m reaching a little now, but you get the idea). It’s all meant to make me feel good I guess. And maybe it does make me feel better on some days when I’m feeling really miserable about myself, or when I decide, for the 25th thousand one hundred seventy third time that I’m better off alone and alone I will stay for the rest of my life. Somehow then, knowing that someone out there still wants to be with me, even when I’ve been the biggest bitch in the world to him, well that makes me feel sort of better. SORT OF. Though not in an entirely healthy way. But days like today, when he pushes the envelope and asks “Do you love me too?” I just lose it. You wouldn’t think the simple question “do you love me” could provoke such wrath, but somehow it drives me to start cussing and swearing like a truck driver, and still he comes back for more. “Thank you Master, on more please” which only makes me angrier still.
Have I tried to put an end to this nonsense? How about just not giving a response, you ask? How about telling him to get lost once and for all, or else? Check, yep! And hey, I tried that ages ago but what should I tell the cops?: “He stalks me via text messaging and tells me he expects nothing in return?”. Ugh. And you know what? The way I see it, it’s all Robbie Williams’ fault. Here I was pining for him while listening to one of his ballads and watching his videos over and over again one day, and then the next day I ran into the ex who just happens to be extremely attractive if you happen to like the Robbie Williams type. One obsessive behaviour led to another person’s obsessive behaviour. Poor S. Doesn’t he understand it was about Robbie Williams the whole time? Well one thing is for sure. If Robbie and him are also similar as far as personality goes, I can pretty well predict Robbie and I wouldn’t have much of a future to look forward to, no matter how much money he may have, aside from his exceptional charm of course. I can’t decide whether that makes me feel better or worse.
One thing that did make me feel good today is all the responses I got to my post yesterday from you lovely readers telling me how much you appreciate my blog the way it is. I won’t respond to each comment individually as there are only so many ways of saying “thank you, I truly appreciate it”, but do know it IS deeply appreciated coming from readers well known to me and anonymous as well. That’s a big relief because unlike you mum, I don’t have much of a gift for making stuff up that’s worthy of being called “fiction”, so that option would have ended up being even more trouble. No, my specialty is telling the truth, and nothing but. Usually gets me in trouble too, but what would life be without a little drama, right?
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