On Self-Esteem

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Somehow I’m mustering up the energy to put this post together but I’m completely exhausted right now and want nothing more than my bed, pillow and teddy bear. Up since 7:30 a.m. Just walking up the hill to make it to the bus on time and then walking up another hill to get to the hospital was quite a workout this morning. I mostly sat with a med student and regaled her with my own little collection of horror stories as part of the admission process. Then I sat in with the group for a class on self-esteem. I said my self-esteem seems to be tied in with my weight, i.e. the lighter I am the more I like myself and vice-versa and apologized because I know it sounds so shallow and I should be beyond that by now. But then I got a chance to think about in from a different angle and had the opportunity to say that one of the reasons I feel happier and have more self-esteem when I’m lighter is that—aside from the fact that I like what I see in the mirror—a lot of the things I do to get myself there are conducive to a healthy body and a healthy mind, like eating really well and doing exercise and yoga every day and drinking my water and so on.

Read outside during lunch. Decided I can’t stand John Banville’s The Sea anymore even if it was a booker prize, so gave up on it at page 103 (out of 195). That’s more than halfway already but the first half was tedious enough for me, thanks.

Stopped by The Word and picked up a new stack of books which is now sitting on the floor for lack of a better place to put them.

And generally speaking just did this that and the other. Like buy Hanky Panky (expensive) underwear at Holt’s as a special treat. Nothing special really. Tomorrow have to do it all over again. Minus the shopping because as we know that can quickly get out of control.

Illustration: Varga Girl by Alberto Vargas

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