Participation Not Mandatory

When my alarm clock started barking around 7:15 this morning I thought it was a bad joke and just silenced it. Then when the barking started up again I had a vague memory of having agreed to a 7:30 morning yoga class with J. It used to be at 9 a.m. but we had to adjust it with my new schedule. I was proud of myself for making a serious commitment to yoga and being willing to get up even earlier still than I thought I could handle, but there’s a big difference between committing to something and actually doing it. Once our session was done I had to make a special promise to myself that I wouldn’t go straight back to bed, but I knew my day would be somewhat thrown off when I realized I felt like killing people. Or biting someone. Something along those lines anyway.

Arriving at the bus stop I thought I recognized a familiar face and quickly concentrated on reading the first few pages of Sons and Lovers (D.H. Lawrence) because that’s what I would have done had she not been there for one, and I really didn’t want to be stuck having to make small talk with her (I’ve decided I dislike because her cone-shaped head bothers me). I somehow dragged myself up hill #2 making stops here and there to catch my breath while the other girl got off 2 stops further to go up a gentler incline. The conference room was hot and unbearably stuffy. I promptly started dozing in my chair. Nobody seemed to notice or mind. Besides, from what I’ve gleaned so far, there are always at least 1 or 2 people napping in class, sometimes directly on the conference table. One woman sleeps with her eyes half closed and just the whites of her eyes showing, which is really disturbing. Then of course there’s that freak who’s invariably wearing his sunglasses and dressed in black from head to toe. I could swear I saw lipstick on him a few times. He always sits in the corner rocking himself. With his long hair and his overall vibe he really creeps me out. He refuses to participate in any discussion but they just let him have his way. May as well, you don’t want to trigger him, for all we know he could be a mass murderer.

No matter how hard I tried to stay awake I just kept dozing off. The second class was “chair yoga”: they had a video running and we were all meant to follow along. I tried it for about 5 minutes but I eventually fell into a deep sleep. Those times when I was awake, such as during lunch and our third session, I just felt intense hatred for everybody, if only for making noise and occupying space. I didn’t bite anyone though because I can’t stand the idea of getting a whole mouthful of someone else’s germs directly in my mouth. Tomorrow’s a day off for us since they’re having a big staff meeting. I’m taking Fritz to the vet in the morning but other than that I’ll be all too glad to have my own schedule and space and a minimum of social interaction. I had forgotten just how much being around people can drain me. Present company excluded of course.

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