Most of the neighborhood was already asleep when I stepped onto the balcony tonight to close up the barbecue. There were all these noises coming from nearby and then I saw them: two baby raccoons right there on my neighbour’s rooftop. At first I thought: ‘oh how cute, baby raccoons—and so close!’ Then I became alarmed when I realized the two pups seemed panicked and were possibly stuck there. There were a couple of neighbours around also trying to figure out what to do to help them. I found out that the mother had been picking up her pups one at a time to bring them down, but it took us a while to realize that she was probably scared away because of us nosy bastards. I’ve written “CHECK ON RACCOONS!” on a Post-It which I stuck on the bathroom mirror, just in case. Whatever else I’ve got going on, tomorrow that’ll be the most important task of the day. I could never forgive myself if they were just left up there exposed to the elements. I wish I could adopt one. Or two. The only trouble is they grow up into little bears with hands and then I can just imagine what fun it must be trying to keep them out of the garbage or the fridge, and I’d be really peeved if they broke into the freezer and ate all my ice cream.