I don’t think I’ve said this “out loud” before. Mostly you all hear me bitch and moan but I should say that I’m actually very grateful to be part of the day program. Goodness knows just getting there in the morning is plenty challenging and that it all gets overwhelming with so much to take in. I don’t see myself making much progress so far, but just the fact that I have a reason to shower, get dressed and get out of the house every day is doing me good, that much I know. All the rest, like getting back to being a functional member of society, well that will come in due time I guess.


11 thoughts on “Gratitude

  1. Although you never said it "out loud" it has been apparent that the day program was having a salutory effect. I'm truly gladdened by that.I believe that more than a few "good things" will come in due time for you. I truly do.

  2. Just having a reason to get out of the house is great, and as for being a "functioning member of society," oh please like they are all functioning so well! I've never even met you, and count you as being one of the brightest, introspective people I've ever known…not like that means a hell of a lot to you, mainly I just mean to say you are going to be great and just keep waking up for the morning sun shine =)

  3. natalie: even in my worst moments, I know that I'm most functional than most. That's a double edged sword though. On the one hand it means that sometimes I feel I'm not entitled to letting myself feel weak. On the other, what is “functional” for most is no way of living to me. Which is why I bring it back to basics. Getting up. Showering. Putting nice clothes on. A good day to tackle the days to come.

  4. Pini: “always look on the bright side of life ” always makes me laugh because it makes me think of Jesus crucified on the cross singing that song in Monty Python’s “The Life of Brian”. A great movie by any measure.

  5. mad: you know, sometimes I worry about that; but when I'm well, what will I write about?? I do remember feeling well and being psyched about blogging too. Glad to have you among my readers one way or the other.

  6. I thank you for the compliment. I feel honored, actually.Your response to mad reminded me of the poet Theodore Roethke, who, when asked why he ended his psychotherapy sessions, replied: I was afraid that if my devils fled, my angels would flee, too. I think he was wrong. One can write about one's demons, and write about one's angel's, too.May your angels provide you with inspirations galore!My favorite Roethke poem:The Waking I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.I learn by going where I have to go.We think by feeling. What is there to know?I hear my being dance from ear to ear.I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.Of those so close beside me, which are you?God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,And learn by going where I have to go.Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.Great Nature has another thing to doTo you and me; so take the lively air,And, lovely, learn by going where to go.This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.What falls away is always. And is near.I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.I learn by going where I have to go.

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