It’s been a “my wife has burnt the scrambled eggs, the dog just bit my leg” kind of weekend. Saturday’s painting class takes everything out of me for some reason and I ended up crying myself to sleep last night, convinced I was a hopeless cause. Probably something to do with the fact that the painting I worked on, which was meant to be a tribute to Kandinsky’s Black Lines—no less (click on the link to view and read my post about it)—ended up being a big disappointment. No big surprise there. Then around the time I was considering maybe waking up today, my phone beeped with yet another text message from the more than two year old ex saying he wants to send over his girlfriend to pick up the few pieces of clothing he’s still got here. As opposed to sending his father whom I already know, like and trust, as I’ve been asking him to do for the last two years. Probably an attempt at making me jealous but the sheer idiocy of it just made my head throb, so I just went back to sleep and didn’t bother getting up again until it was almost night out. I could have spent the rest of the day writing the remaining 8,000 words I have left to finish my NaNo project, but I didn’t. Partly because I’ve lost my motivation, partly because I don’t think I’m worth a damn as a fiction writer, partly because I got caught up in a text message flame war with the ex, and partly because I prefer playing Spore these days. It’s a great game. Too bad I suck at it so badly. I can’t seem to come to terms with the fact that if my creature is a carnivore (as opposed to a herbivore or an omnivore, which makes you too much of a target for all the other creatures to attack), then it means it has to go out and kill other creatures to feed itself. What can I say, I’m just not into killing other species, even if it is just a game.
Now I know if I just lightened up already all these things wouldn’t matter one whit and I’d have more than enough more interesting things to occupy my mind with than existential questions fuelled by video games. I just have no idea how to go about lightening up exactly. But then, when I read back on all my kvetching, I do see some kind of humour in it all, so I guess there is hope after all.