This is not a good place to be. No energy and forces of darkness seem to conspire to keep me that way. People are starting to complain that I’m not posting their stuff on the create site fast enough. I can’t keep up. Barely have time to do my own creative work anymore. Am strongly considering just abandoning the stupid project. Why should I make it my problem to get other people to be more creative when I can barely muster up enough energy to work on my own creative stuff? Doesn’t make sense. Screw it.
Then, as if I needed more problems at this point, an eBay buyer I sent some items to decided to open a dispute claim just for fun, because she hasn’t gotten her package after 4 weeks, even though I specified it could take up to 6 weeks. She thought it would be a good idea to open a dispute with PayPal so they would put a retainer on the funds she paid me just in case, the package doesn’t get to her, just in case, I decide to be unreasonable and refuse to pay her back IF she doesn’t get her package. I sent her nicely written emails, pointing out to her that I’ve been nothing but amenable so far, giving her discounts when I didn’t have to, giving her a shipping service I don’t usually offer just to save her money… do I have the profile of someone who’s out to screw people??
Do I need this crap I ask? Do I need to be making any efforts at all if they’re going to backfire on me? I’m on disability leave precisely because I can’t deal with that kind of stress right now. Takes nothing at all to get me into a tailspin and next thing you know I’m headed for another big crash. Fuck it. I’m giving up. You people can manage just fine without me. You want to be creative? Then just fucking create. With or without me, it ain’t going to make a difference. I’ll give news again when I bloody good and ready to. Till then, I’m checking out.