This is kind of ridiculous. It’s practically a full-blown anxiety attack I’m going through right now. I’m totally dizzy and I need to keep reminding myself to breathe because I forget to take in enough air.
Yesterday we celebrated my friend K’s 45th b-day with a Tuscan meal that four of her close friends and I prepared for her. She’d been so looking forward to our get-together (the first time she got all her best friends together at the same time) and I wanted the evening to be special too. But then I didn’t sleep well the night before and by the time I got there wasn’t feeling at all well. I hope my lack of enthusiasm didn’t put a damper on the evening. We had lots of delicious food and all overrate. We had made plans for a sleepover and all I could think about was how much I missed Mimi as I tossed and turned all night, trying to get my overfull tummy in a comfortable position and being woken up time and time again by countless nightmares. Had Mimi been with me, I could have cuddled her a little and gone back to sleep to the calming sound of her purring. Morning couldn’t come around too soon and when I got up to join K & her friend A in the kitchen, they told me they heard me talking all night, which came as no surprise considering how tormented my sleep was. I took a morning bus home and promptly lay down on my couch with curtains closed to try to get some decent sleep, this time protected by Mimi sleeping atop me (and… bonus! Fritz too!), but again, an endless chain of disturbing dreams kept me from getting properly rested.
I made the effort to get up and make myself dinner this evening, but all I can think about is that I’ll be brining the puppy home tomorrow. We’ve agreed K and I to pick him up at Animatch around 7 pm (just 22 hours away now!). But I’m so on edge right now that I’m thinking perhaps I should skip my watercolours class, since I’ll probably be too distracted to get much out of it, and pick him up in the early afternoon. I don’t know why I’m so nervous really. It’s silly, but I’m really concerned that I won’t be up to the task, and worse, that the cats will hate me for bringing in another creature. My kittens have been huddling up close to me all day and I can’t help but wonder if after tomorrow… is it likely they’ll do that again?
I know I know… I worry too much. But if I could change that, I’d probably be an altogether different person, right?