Summer Blues

Mimi & Coco: not quite friends yet but we're working on it.

I’m sorry to say I’ve been feeling mostly depressed and low on energy lately. Most of my art classes have ended this week, with my last watercolours class coming on Monday. I have a new painting class starting in July and a drawing class in August but of course there will be less activity over the summer as far as art therapy goes. But then, I always seem to get depressed around this time of year. Everyone seems to have plans and opportunities to get out of the city and the prospect of another lonely birthday looming ahead and seeing everybody outside with friends and family inevitably makes me feel more lonesome than ever, while at the same time being on my own suits me more often than not. There are not a lot of people I feel comfortable reaching out to in “real life”. I’m feeling like a loser again and any time I try to think of my future I get terrified and can’t seem to see anything but bleakness, which doesn’t help matters. In other words, I’m feeling sorry for myself and when I feel like this I just lay low because it’s not the kind of energy I feel I should share with anybody.

I’m thankful to have Coco giving me a compelling reason to get out of the house three times a day. I get to talk to complete strangers because they find him cute and ask questions. Of course I always tell them he’s a rescue dog—I have to say I’m quite proud of doing my part in some small way. My only complaint is that he’s a bit of a whiner and he doesn’t always come when I call him those rare times I let him off leash, so altogether it’s safe to say he’s a dream dog and I pretty well won the dog lottery. I go to dog parks sometimes which is a great social outing for Coco but I mostly feel awkward around the other dog owners and always leaving feeling worse than when I arrived.

I’m considering volunteering for a couple of places; there’s the workshop at the day hospital I used to go to that could use a bit of organizing and I heard of a cat rescue which is nearby and doesn’t require a long commute. I just need to make a few calls and meet people to make it happen, which seems like more than I can handle right now, so all in due time I guess. I’m just waiting for this latest bout of the blues to blow over and in the meantime I’m accumulating lots of material to post both here and on the C365 site which I’ve admittedly neglected lately, along with everything and everyone else. At least I’m not questioning whether or not I ‘deserve’ to keep on living—something that tends to come up around this time every year—especially now that I have my little family of three kidz to look after, which is a pretty good mindspace to be in, all things considered. So yeah, not complaining. It is what it is and like everything else, this too shall pass, right? Right.

Pic by Smiler


7 thoughts on “Summer Blues

    • Thanks for that. I was doing better for the past couple of days, but then the monthlies kicked in and I’m back down in the dumps with aches and pains on every single inch of my body. OY!

  1. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling blue. I have not been good with keeping up with my blog or anyone else’s lately. I think it’s wonderful that you rescued a pup. I often think if I had a doggie I might meet more single men in NYC! And it’s a brilliant reason to get out of the apartment. How are the pup and kitty getting along?
    Just know that you are not alone in the way you feel. Many people can relate to your feelings. IT’s hard to find the people you feel comfortable enough letting in. Seriously if it wasn’t for my amazing therapist I’d be a basket case…

    • Coco has helped me spontaneously make changes in my life I had been struggling to make for years now and getting out of the house three times a day is doing amazing things for my waistline! Having a cute dog truly does make people want to talk to you, or at least stop by to stroke doggie, so I definitely recommend it for you, especially in NYC where there are still cute well-manered and dateable men who are actually straight! I know because I always seem to meet that type whenever I’m visiting. Not so much the case here.

      As for cats & dogs, they are co-existing peacefully and though I’d love for them to actually be best friends, I suppose I should be happy that my place hasn’t turned into a war zone… :-)

  2. This is a beauty of a picture ; Mimi and Coco on the friendship trail with a perfect colorful background . this volunteering idea sounds good , especially the creative part . as usual I’m preying day and night for your wellness xxx

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